RAIN, RAIN GO AWAY!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
How To Be Annoying In An Elevator
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
Ask, "Did you feel that?"
Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
Whenever someone enters, greet them by saying "Welcome Aboard!"
When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
Swat at flies that don't exist.
Tell people that you can see their aura.
Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"
Put police tape in front of the door before entering.
Fart loudly when there are only two of you in the elevator. Argue vehemently that it wasn't you.
Hold an auction.
Do the "potty dance" all the way to the elevator door. Upon arrival, sigh and look greatly relieved.
Ask every passenger coming in if you can borrow a tampon. Especially effective if victim is male. Even more effective if you yourself are male.
Throw a rave.
Place potted plants and water fountains at strategic locations in the lift. When people ask what you are doing, tell them you "Won't ride an elevator that's not feng shui."
Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral".
Hum the first six notes of the "It's a small world" over and over again.
When you brush past someone, whisper "Was it good for you too?"
Have a heated debate with yourself.
Bring a melon onto the elevator. Try to sell it to the other passengers.
Drum on every available surface.
Write a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out "pirate" maps to everyone as they enter.
Give psychotherapy to the other passengers.
Greet everyone coming on as if they were your best friend. Use the same name for all of them.
Say "ring ring," then pull a banana out of your pocket and start talking into it.
Propose to the other passengers.
Challenge people to duels.
Sell girl scout cookies.
Bring a large pile of ice. Build an igloo on the floor.
Come on looking really scared, and say to another passenger..."I'm kinda nervous...this is my first time flying..."
Any time someone enters the doors, recoil in horror.
Stick your tongue out. Act like it's a cigarette, and ask someone for a light.
Pitch a tent on the floor, and "camp out" for the weekend.
Play "I've got your nose" with the other passengers.
Shout "Food fight!"
Every time someone else talks, angrily shout: "Some people are trying to sleep here!"
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Elevators were practically MADE for riverdance!
Bring a snowboard onto the elevator. Put it on. Every time the lift goes up or down, shout "WOO-YEAH! This is what I call sick air!"
Press your nose against the other passengers, and say "You know, this is what the Eskimos used to do before having sex."
Every time the elevator goes down, loudly scream "OH MY GOD!!! We're all gonna die! This is it! This is it! It's over! IT'S OVER!!!" Look relieved when it stops moving. When you begin to drop again, repeat.
Ask the other passengers if they want to see your glass clown collection.
Practice your kung fu.
Make race car noises when people get on and off.
Ask everyone on the elevator: "Are you my mother?"
Fly a model airplane.
Play the accordion.
Enter the elevator with nothing on your head. Individually ask everyone if they like your hat.
Bring a rocking chair. Sit and knit.
Recite gangsta rap lyrics in monotone.
Enter with a shovel, and attempt to "dig for treasure."
Read "Green Eggs and Ham" at the top of your lungs. Sound out every word.
Ask someone "Guess what?" When they respond with "What?," say "Guess what?" again. Repeat until the person responds angrily, then say "I was only asking a question." Then start talking loudly to someone else in the elevator about "How some people really need to learn how to control their temper."
Ask someone if they have an extra pair of underwear with them. Tell them it's just because you have a disorder that causes uncontrollable bowel movements whenever you stop or start moving suddenly, and you forgot to pack your "elevator panties."
Sit in the corner, rocking back and forth, muttering to yourself in a loop "And when it finishes going down it goes up and people get on but when they get on they always get off and the ones getting off are never the ones getting on and the doors open but they always close but when the doors close no one gets on and it goes down and when it finishes going down it goes up..."
Friday, May 22, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. ~Washington Irving
My mother is all things and more. She has shown me that it is possible to love truly, deeply, unconditionally. She has been my Cheerleader, Guidance Counselor, and sometimes my Punching Bag. She has not only been there for me all my life, but she has welcomed all that I have brought home with open arms and limited judgement.
I cannot express how Thankful I am for my Mother.
I can only hope that I have turned into the woman she has dreamt of me being and that I can be half of the Mother to my Cherubs that she has been to me.
I Love You Mom
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Fantabulously Frugal is hosting 31, yes 31 days of amazing Giveaways. Click here to check them all out and enter - as well as learn about some great deals that are out there right now.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
Mr. P and I were having a conversation about one of the lovely blogs I have found recently and was reading. I was telling him that she had 2 children VERY far apart in age. This got us discussing friends and family members with same.
As most of our conversations usually do, this one took a quite circuitous route through many, many topics - from age difference in siblings, how old is too old to have children, how many children is enough, etc, etc, etc, just to name a few. It ended up landing upon the topic of accidental pregnancy. You see, Eldest Cherub was not planned. I mean, it's not that we didn't want children ever, but the timing was pretty bad.
Mr. P and I got married relatively young - especially by today's standards. I was 22, he was 25. That is pretty young, considering every 22 year old I see now looks like a BABY to me. We were just starting out in our respective "adulthoods" and we were enjoying life to the fullest.
About 1 year into our matrimonial bliss, I decided that I wanted to quit my job and go back to school -- full-time. Poor Mr. P. He was just starting out with his own Photography Studio and being self-employed and trying to drum up business . . . you know how it goes. But he never batted an eye. "If that's what you want to do, you should do it. We'll figure it out. We'll be OK. We'll make it work"
God Bless Him! So I did exactly that. Within 2 months, I was not only unemployed, but stacking a pile of college bills upon him. Thank God for Dear Mother and Father, they told us that because it was for my "Education", they would help. And "HELP" they did. They paid my tuition and many other incidentals, leaving Mr. P and I with only a few of the smaller expenses. But they were still expenses and Mr. P was still trying to make his business grow. But we were OK. We did it, we figured it out, we made it work.
Then one snowy January evening, Mr. P came home and had a look on his face I had never seen before. Something was wrong. His largest account had closed down, gone bankrupt. Kaput. Finished. His LARGEST paying client. "I'll quit school and go back to work." "No, you really want this, we'll be OK - it's temporary and we'll figure it out, we'll make it work." So I stayed in school, and we were OK, we figured it out, we made it work.
And then IT happened, as January turned into February and February slowly passed . . . I realized it. "OH MY GOD!" Panic "WHAT DAY IS IT?" Panic. "I'M LATE!" Major panic.
"WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO?" (You can see what a calm and clear thinker I am in a crisis) So out I went and bought not 1, but 4 pregnancy tests and lo and behold, they all came out positive. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. And now I had to tell Mr. P.
I remember thinking, "This guy is going to be so pissed he married me. First I quit my job and lose half our income, then I sack a pile of bills on him for school just as he loses his largest client, and now I'm PREGNANT!" I was 24. Mr. P, an elderly 27. But in true Mr. P fashion, he was elated, thrilled. "This is great! Are you sure? When did you take the test? Why didn't you tell me? I'm so happy . . . " "HELLO! Did you not hear what I just said? I. AM. PREGNANT. WITH A BABY!" "No, I thought you were pregnant with a goat . . . of course I heard you. A BABY! WOW! Unbelievable, this is so great." "Um, I'm glad you're so happy, but I'm not working, you just lost a LOT of your income - babies are expensive . . . " etc, etc, etc. And do you know what he said? "I know, it will be tough, but we'll be OK. We'll figure it out. We'll make it work." And we did . . .
So this was where our conversation ended up - the memories of finding out we were pregnant with Eldest Cherub. And apparently, Eldest Cherub heard most of it. I say this, because he quietly entered the room and said, "Mom, was I an accident?"
Let me tell you, hearing those words from Eldest Cherub was one of the closest things to heartbreaking I have ever heard. And I found myself wondering how to answer my oldest child truthfully, honestly and clearly, but letting him know how happy we are that we have him in our world, and that we wouldn't change anything, ever.
And then it was there - out of the clear blue - it just popped into my head. I don't know how. I don't know why. I don't know from where. But there it was - my answer - So simple and true. Honest and forthright and explanatory. All in 6 little words. "No Honey, you were a surprise." I was so proud of myself, what a brilliant response. But Eldest Cherub didn't understand. "Great, a surprise. Same thing as an accident." "No, No, not the same thing at all. An accident is something that happens unexpectedly and you are upset or sad that it happens. A surprise is something that happens unexpectedly and you are thrilled that it happens. So, you see, you were a surprise, NOT an accident."
And VERY slowly, you could see it, he understood. He was happy. He got his answer, but it was good.